1. how do you really feel about what you're doing right now?
-i am lying awake unable to sleep, with an opening shift ahead of me. i can safley say that i am unhappy to be awake, but eager to see what answers to these questions stem from me.
2.what is your fondest childhood memory? who was there? what was going on?
-that is a difficult question. a childhood memory i'm quite fond of is the memory i have with my grandmother, my brother and my grandpa at the PNE in vancouver. i believe my parents and uncle could have been there aswell, i just don't recall it completley. my grandma and i were playing the classic "throw this at that" game and "win a stuffed animal of your choice" thing. i remember winning. i remember shoving it in my brother's face. i won a bear i named gregory after my grandfather. when the dude at the game counter gave my grandma the bear to give to me, he said something along the lines of.. "give this to your daughter" or "would the mother like to give the game a shot?" i was extremley taken back by the comment. i had always thought my grandma looked young, and i had just never had thought of her to look young enough to be my mother. and that day, i wished she had been my mother. i still do.
3. how comfortable are you in your home?
-i would not label this residence as a "home".
4.how comfortable are you in your town, city/state?
-abbotsford is the most comfortable place i know, besides a few other places i enjoy being, which also happen to be in british columbia. i would say that i am as comfortable as a bean in a festivley arranged bean salad, prepared by fine chefs using only quality ingredients.
5. what kind of weather do you like?
-i love weather. of all kinds. i love variety. i love harmony. i love chaos. i love thunder and lightning, i find it quite enchanting. i also love calm summer nights, like the one i saw tonight. i watched my favorite bird fly across a lavender sky, the sky was light like petals, and the moon lit it up as if the sky were black. i also love clear skies, cloudy skies, rain storms, snow, hail, fierce winds, etc. but night time lavender skies in the summer time might take the cake, tied with extreme thunder and lightning.
6. do you believe you can have your cake and eat it too? why or why not?
-the context of this question annoys me. i believe if you're going to have cake in your posession, it would be silly to not eat it. why else would one have cake!? ..next.
7. what is one quality about your parent(s) you really loved?
-i totes dig that they legit don't give a shit. it's convenient, it saves me from having to lie about what youthful drama and teenage shit i'm up to. saves me time/arguments, i guess. i feel that they don't worry.
8. what is one quality about your parent(s) you really don't like?
-selfishness. a one way route to never having a relationship that works out.
9. do you like what you're doing for money?
-actually, yes. i love my job. i get to sell cameras, work with cool cats, meet cool kids, etc. i think i have a pretty rad job to say the least. aside from the khaki flares.
10. what do you feel is your greatest skill?
- making people laugh and smile. i crack jokes to fill the holes. i find those holes when filled can start even larger projects of construction. i've always been told i'm a funny girl. but most of the time, i'm just akward.
11. what do you feel is your greatest personality trait?
- aside from current events, i would have to go with my ability to open up to people. i think that i am the kind of person, and i have been told aswell, that i can dissapear for long periods of time, and still pick up where i left off with people no problem. i think it's pretty cool that i can meet people and instantly click. i make a lot of friends this way. not that i am too trusting, i just have a very open mind, and i dig that about myself.
12. do you feel like anything in your life is holding you back from ultimate joy? list everything.
-work, not that i don't feel happy when i work,
just ultimate joy should probably be work free.
-friendships that need work.
-family stress bombs of atomic death.
-abbotsford. i see myself fulfilling my ultimate joy
goals on an island on the coast. it's where i'm truly my happiest.
-feelings that i can't let go of.
-the way i feel about myself, currently.
13. write a paragraph about your ideal weekend/time away from work. include location, sights, smells, food, activities, people.
-i would wander to the seaside. goosespit beach, sand mountains under my feet. i'd talk to her about things, simple conversation, big skies on top of open ocean, sunshine and soft tides. chad and i would float out to sea, the salty breeze would devour me, and i would let it corrode my thoughts, my mind would become an untangled pot of noodles. each noodle would bind itself with the next, until a rope of my hopes would tie itself to a rock in the sea and as i'd float it'd leave me. she would call us back to shore, we'd sit and picnic and talk some more. i'd dust the sand off my shoes, we'd put our hands on the hot car door, put our feet on the car's carpet floor, but there would somehow be more sand. you can never get it all off. and as uncomfortable as it is, i'd get to shower in a shower that smells familiar every time i'm in it. i'm instantly clean, and i walk in to a home that again, smells the same every time i'm in it. like grandma's perfume and cooking. two beautiful things. i'd watch programs on the television with her. she loves reality television. we'd talk, crack open a bottle of wine, drink it over time and watch oprah. talk about science, interesting facts, health, etc. i'd help her at her store, visit her coworkers, help myself to a delicious cinnamon bun, and sit down. i'd look back on the mall, from my seat. i'd think about all the friends i'd brought there over the years, how we've all changed, and how regardless of where they are now, they got to see this beautiful place. they got to see a part of me that i hope will never change. i love this place and everything in it. it is full of old people and imperfections, but the memories i have here are indifferent. they are unlike anything else i have ever known/seen/been. this place and these people are all i want. this town will one day be mine to haunt.
14. how close are you in proximity to the people you absolutley adore the most?
-chad is sleeping in the room beside me. he is an excellent brother, and for this he does not recieve enough credit.
-my grandmother is on vancouver island, tucked away in her town. i think about her every day, but only see her few times a year.
-remmy (although not a person) is chillin' on my bed, snoring like a pokemon you can only wake up with a special flute.
-meghan and ruwel are 20 minutes driving distance from me. i love them, i need to see them more often. although i saw ruwel tonight, which was a fabulous time.
-my other lovers all reside within a 10-15 minute walking/driving distance, varying from friend a to friend b.
-jim sturgess is actually somewhere in the uk, and yet although we've never met.. i adore that man candy.
15. what do you want out of life?
-simply, to do and enjoy whatever i like. happiness. that is all. what will bring me happiness? regardless, the result is all i'm looking for.
16. how do you think people will remember you when you die?
-the people that don't know me: wierd chick who says a lot of wierd shit, perhaps a bit bitchy?
-the people that do know me: i would hope they would rememer me for what i stand for, which is partying like it's 1999, long walks and interesting talks.
17. how do you want people to remember you when you die?
-i would like to be remembered, atleast by the people that know me, as a creative individual who enjoys life, loves to give and take advice, share thoughts and ideas, make and create, cook, read, write, talk, go on crazy adventures, enjoy the company of friends and people that matter. i would hope to be remembered as a happier person. i don't like when people see a sad side of me.
18. write your epitaph - the sentence that would appear on your grave.
-okay first off, CREMATE ME PLEASE.
-i can't be the one to decide what phrase will go on my grave, the beauty is that i'll never see it, but the creator of the phrase will have wanted me to, and will see it as something i will appreciate. that's what makes this entire life thing a blank page for that thought. when i die, fill me in.
19. what is one thing you could do today, this week, next month, or this year to get a step closer to creating the legacy in #17.
- i actually don't believe that i have the efforts to exert that type of person to the people that don't matter to me. if i go, i go. and what i leave behind will be something only the ones that matter can recognize. as long as they're happy with me, i'll die happy. as far as things i could do to improve this - i should just do what i can to show people who i am before that time is up. and hope they dig it. also, being a better human being doesn't hurt.
20. how do you feel about your home furnishings?
- as i live with my parents currently, i feel their home furnishings are bland, and blatantly quite ugly. all of them are trapped in some strange dimension of an era that has ended, or one that does not quite exist. it's strange to see. quite basic, but rather strange. as far as mine go, ikea is cheap and moderatley plain. i have plain furnishings in a room full of color, pattern and personality. my room screams "krystiana's territory", but only to a certain extent, as i am poor and cannot fully live out my furniture tastes.
21. do you have a hobby that you like to do, but don't get paid for? what is it?
- i love to doodle strange creatures. i just think them up off the top of my head, whatever happens when i touch the pen to the paper is up to my mind to decide. although i'm not an artist, i would one day love to improve my strange love for the medium of ball point pen. it makes me happy that i can make people smile, frown or question my sanity just by showing them one of my drawings. i kinda like making people laugh and cringe all in the same eight seconds.
22. does money hold you back from anything? what does it hold you back from? be very specific.
-money is something that one needs in order to achieve anything in this world. money holds me back from purchasing lenses that could assist me with my photos, money holds me back from travelling, an experience i want to enjoy while i'm young. money holds me back from listening to better musical quality in my vehicle, from going to school, from living a debt free life, a stress free life. mo money mo problems? perhaps for biggie. not for me.
23. what do you think of passionate people?
-passionate individuals are the best kind. they are leaders, innovative machines that create pathways for others, footsteps to follow, the list goes on. i have a few passionate people in my life, and have had a few passionate people in my life. i feel they are the ones i have learned the most from. i feel they are going somewhere, know what they want, reach for their goals, and inspire me to do so with my own. i wish i could be more passionate about aspects in my life. but in reality, i'm on planet krystiana the majority of the time, and when i get back to reality, i'm a bit disoriented. i need to check back in to real life. recognize my passions, and live for them.
24. do you know anyone you feel is living their dream? who? what do they do all day and all night? be specific.
-i feel that there are very few people i have ever met that i can honestly say this statement about. i have a good friend that is enjoying her last day in canada today. she is moving to the uk for 2 years, on a mission to help girls in the red light district, and get them off the streets. i believe she is living her dream. she is one of the happiest people i know, and all day for the past little while, i remember her constantly reading up on her passions, exploring a city she has never seen through the eyes of the internet, learning as much as she could before she gets her chance to go. she's making a huge impact on people's lives. she's made one on mine. i know this is her dream. what she does at night, though.. i'm not exactly entitled to that information.
25. do you think you can be completley satisfied living where you do right now?
-absolutley not.
26. what do you want to accomplish?
- i want to write. novels. poems. stories. i want to create things and be part of something bigger than me. i want to help people. i want to invest my time in making something huge happen. i want to find someone that makes me happy, and make them happy too. i want to have a life half full, as opposeed to being half empty, and never having enough.
27. do you want to change your career?
-i don't really have a career yet, so that's going to have to be a yes. if i did what i did for the rest of my life, that would be a sad story. i would advise myself to get a life.
28. do you wish you lived closer to a certain someone or group of people?
- in ways yes, i wish i lived closer to meghan and ruwel. but 20 minutes down the highway isn't a bad price to pay to see them now and then. morgan, on the other hand, it's harder to see you, and for this i apologize. but i like where i live, i don't love it necessarily. although sometimes i do. it's a tough call.
29. do you wish you lived in a foreign country or far away state?
- no. i am not there because i don't belong there. that is why i'm here.
30.what are three things you do every day that make you totally happy?
-write, draw, converse.
31. what do you want to pass on to your children?
- confidence, creativity, an open mind. i think the most important values/qualities i have are the previous. i think everyone should feel confident in their own skin, have a unique perspective on the world, an ability to create something that is part of themselves that they can share, and an open mind to understand the incredible world we live in, in all of it's diversities. i think one of the only things i really feel are important in life is a tolerance for things that you don't necessarily understand or agree with. to each their own, and that's what makes things on this sphere so incredible and so wide in variety. regardless of negative/positive motive/action.
32. what is something you have never tried but would like to?
- conquering my fears of heights and horses.
33. are there things in life you wish you could reverse or make right?
- this sounds like a question of regrets. do i regret anything? yeah. do i wish it went differently? no. i think that some of the poorest choices i have ever made have shaped me, made me realize my own faults and given me initiative. recognition of my own mistakes fuels my fires to make change. self improvement is the result of a positive attitude towards negative impacts you create for yourself. thanks in large part to alchohol and juvenille delinquency i'm well on my way to learning what's best for me. even if that must be brought on by poor choices i make for myself. everyone makes mistakes, but those who take them and turn them into a blank canvas drawing board, that's legit.
34. do you feel like you have enough money to live the way you want to?
- barley. i'm comfortable for the most part, but it would help if i had some extra coin.
35. are you happy when you think about the upcoming day and what comes with it?
- depending on the sequence of events i have planned for this day.. that will determine the answer to this question.
36. what do you find challenging?
- mathmatics, calculations, structure, organization, commitment, arguments, reliability, reverse stall parking, relationships, financial situations, rude customers, uneducated people, bland conversation, carrying a conversation with people who lack imagination or have no sense of humor, getting along with most girls, vaccuming, playing sports, thinking inside the box, riding horses, wearing eyeshadow without looking ridiculous, not spending the vast majority of my $$$ on clothing/accessories/girly shit, saving money, getting through books to the very last page. etc etc etc etc etctectetctctcttstfbsdfsd.gdgdshguaeiadffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu.
37. what do you find thrilling?
- dancing whilst intoxicated, adventures with friends, taking photos i can save forever, shopping with shelbs, watching movies that captivate me, drawing hilarious pictures, loud music in the vehicle, speeding in the vehicle, cuddling remmy, cooking/baking, creating, writing, reading, hitting it off with new friends immediatley, parties, pinatas etc.
38. what are memories you haven't created yet but would like to?
- in the future i would like to help people, volunteer somewhere, travel, make new friends, eventually settle down and get the whole classic family thing down, dece career, doing what i love to do, and loving it. what memories come out of that will be up to me at that time, but i would prefer them to be perfect in my mind.
39. do you feel energized when you work?
- yes. pictionary in the morning meetings pumps me up. also, working with a ton of people you love doesn't hurt either. and energy drinks. those help too. i dig what i do, and that's important to me.
40. do you feel creative when you work?
- most definatley. the environment i work in allows me to be myself and myself is quite creative. i take this a bit to my advantage, coming up with many of the ideas i put into my writing. many of the doodles that i do are actually on paper from my clipboard. i have a lot of fun, y'know.
41. describe what you consider work, and what you consider play. what are the differences?
-work = professional
-play = wicked intense fun that consists of friends, alchohol, dancing, music, adventures, etc.
42. do you feel blessed or lucky to wake up each day? how can you get to that point?
- i don't feel like moses or anything, although i do wake up with jesus hair every day, minus the beard.
43. if your debt was forgiven tommorow and you had a completley clean slate what si the very first thing you would change about your life?
- i'm not in debt, lol.
44. what are three places you've always thought about living but never did?
- courtenay, BC / scotland / somewhere with ocean and rolling hills.
45. when do you want to retire?
- when the time is right.
46. is there an award or accolade you have always dreamed of winning or being recognized for?
- um, no, actually. i cannot think of anything, nothing at all.
47. TO BE CONTINUED
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