but this time, it feels like a whole new season all together.
it feels like something out of the cinema.
something i've seen before a million times,
but brand new.
like a new episode.
it's probably worth watching.
i'm about a quarter into it,
but everyone else is about halfway.
i shouldn't have gone to the bathroom,
now everyone has seen parts of this movie that i haven't!
i can't ask them to explain it to me.
that would be rude.
i'll just sit back and relax.
i'll watch it like i never missed a thing.
i'm good at pretending.
i'm so good at pretending in fact, that i should have become an actress.
but, i'm not very good at working with others. i'm not so much a people person.
i don't like crowds, i don't like randoms. i would be a terrible co-worker on set.
that's probably why i'm a lot better at watching movies than being in them.
i don't ever recall being in a movie. it would be far too stressful for me.
i can't handle that kind of stress.
but what i can handle however, is the perfect picture that is my neighbourhood this season.
when dull concrete meets tree trunks, and tree trunks meet fabulous leaves..
my heart loses it's rhythym and i get far too imaginative to handle the current scenery.
i love the beauty that stems from the concrete and the grass and the dirt.
i truly appreciate the little things.
i figure that if they go unnappreciated, so will the big things.
and if those go unnappreciated, then what is there to appreciate?
it's a confusing and strange idea, but someone had to think of it.
and it might as well be me, i've got nothing else to do on a sunday afternoon.
honestly, i woke up only a few hours ago.
but in reality, i'm just waking up now.
do you catch my drift?
the leaves sure do.
they're on their way to the ground.
and i'm just going to grab an umbrella and pretend it's raining.
it might as well be.
it's pretty morbid outside.
it's frost for the first time.
it's rain in buckets.
it's a new colour scheme.
it's kinda cool,
temperature wise.
i think that this whole autumn thing feels like nothing i've ever experienced.
i ignored the season before. for years. years and years.
but now i'm waking up out of this sleepy state.
i'm done hibernating and hiding from the chilly winds.
i want it to be sunny, with a storm of leaves.
i wish this season lasted forever.
it's gorgeous.
winter and summer are the two extremes.
why can't we just have spring and fall?
they're so much more comfortable.
sweater weather is just the best!
much better than bundling in 163871236173 layers for warmth.
or constantly running around in a barley-there bikini just to stay cool.
i'd much rather wear a sweater.
and spare everyone the horror of my pasty legs.
or spare myself the horror of the added 40 lbs of a winter jacket and it's other cozy layers.
i'm quite afraid for the sky to grow darker much quicker.
i'm afraid for slippery driveways.
winter is the worst,
it's bitter and cold and the only reason people get stoked on christmas
is because it provides society with a warm and jolly feeling of conmfort
in the worst of the weather. cookies, gifts and songs make that cozy come out.
i don't believe in jesus, i don't believe in god. i don't believe in santa or elves.
i do however, believe in love and friendship. and i do believe in comfort.
i also believe that if we must get together, and we must be warm and happy,
it is probably best to do so over a lavish turkey dinner and perhaps a glass of baileys.
perhaps even some christmas pudding. my grandma makes it in the most delicious way.
also, that feeling of comfort really comes out when we all get together as a family.
i enjoy the spirit of christmas, although 90% of my family doesn't believe in the spirit
of any holy figure. we have the heart for the spirit of chirstmas, and the feeling of togetherness.
if that's even a word.
it is now, i guess.
guys! i just made up a word!
why not? i might as well.
maybe i'll give it to someone for christmas.
that would make me feel quite happy with myself.
i can't afford much else, without a job it's difficult to provide your friends and family
with adequete presents. but, then again, this whole deal is just a feleing of 'togetherness'.. right?
it's not like santa is going to hurt me for not being generous.
it would be funny if he did, though.
seeing a fat and quite angry man with rosy cheeks and a red suit lined with white fur,
lunging at you with a bag of presents and cookie crumbs in his beard could be quite the experience.
if only he were real, then that would give me the opportunity ot piss the guy off.
but, we shouldn't do that kind of thing.
'tis the season remember?
and it's coming up soon.
quicker than halloween, christmas will be here.
carols and decorations, disgustingly joyus mall music.
the streets will be white with snow,
and eventually turn brown with dirt and grime.
and the earth will take the snow,
and turn it into flowers,
and turn it into grass.
and spring will turn to summer.
and the cycle will begin again.
and we'll be back at this autumn, cinema dream.
and yet again, christmas will be back around the bend.
i love life and all it's cynical mystery.
i love the turn of seasons and the moral obligation to write about it.
i love this whole deal.
i think i'll go christmass shopping soon.
it's almost here again.
it's funny how i forget what i'm writing about,
i drift off into a ramble.
page after page, usually.
but this time you can just scroll down to where we are now,
and read about how silly my mind makes me sound.
how silly i am.
i need a book for all of this commotion.
perhaps i'll write one.
nobody would buy it, though.
it would be messy and full of errors.
but so am i.
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